Like always when I
start to phrase my thoughts with an attempt to translate them into meaningful
words I get clarity only post hours of internalizing about the variety in their
depth and simplicity they contain. Such is also my definition of relationships;
you get clarity about your relations only if you have internalized and
reflected on every single one of them as if each thread of relation is second
to none. Thanks to the perceived busy lifestyles and hence lack of time, said
cosmopolitan and nuclear livelihood and above all slim use of advancement in
technology to foster relationships, eventually leading to a bitter state of
being which certainly could have been sweeter, not that one must be preferred
over another since they will continue to co-exists either way, and eventually
your relationships just are the way they are, either bitter or sweet they just
ARE! This is certainly something for each one of us to ponder upon.
As a self
proclaimed investment banker that I am, cost and worthiness have always been
the factors that drive most of my rational behaviors. Thankfully, when I come
to think of it today, after having nurtured many beautiful and intense
relationships, and also sad-fully post having redefined a few, I know such an
approach is limited to rationality and not with being. Today I understand post
having tasted bitterness as an outcome of overt sweetness within any given
relationship that life is not always dealt with pragmatic viewpoints, no matter
one tries every bit of effort to twist the course, the fact being it’s an
amalgamation of both hilltop and deep valleys that make scenery. Employing
efforts in understanding and displaying due appreciation towards togetherness
in conjunction with separation, ensures for a bond to get created, and
eventually belongingness thrives, the sooner a realist understands this, yes I
mean a realist! The better relationships he is assured to enjoy. But isn’t life
always been about chasing the unknown and in the course never reflecting on the
known and isn’t life about behaving indifferently with the known as opposed to
with the unknowns? I don’t know, but I know that many of us lead such a life,
either by mere existence or painfully sometimes by virtue of choice! If only
familiarity in addition to contempt also did breed compassion and bonding,
relationships would have been simpler and long lasting!
It’s the multitude
of many little things put together that make anything and everything complete
for it to eventually earn it’s value. Of-course not to discount the role every
tiny mussel plays for a human body to function as designed, however the most
important organs are categorically defined both by medical science and the very
nature of life. One might chose to accept it or act otherwise but the truth is
head of cockpit gets paid more than the ground staff of every airline, there
are some roles that play more crucial part then others. Yet the greater good
is, which does not necessarily mean its greater truth, it’s the togetherness of
varied crucial roles that brings the final value or help a human body to function
as desired.
Let me make a
cautious attempt to explain which aspect and / or action in relationships does
play such a crucial role in a figurative way.
I’ve never been successful in making Tea per say but am going to use the
process as an anecdote to my cause. Again absolutely not to undermine the
importance of every single ingredient and every action that duly contributes in
making of Tea, but the most crucial one is the act of separation, the act that
respectfully creates a space, a space between the most vital ingredient and the
end result, a step that employs a sieve. It’s the act of filtering the Tea off
from all the particles that sincerely contributed in its very making, imagine
how interesting is that, isn’t it. It’s this crucial process of separation
which in-turn helps every ingredient that primarily came-along to achieve its
defined purpose. While so simple an act a sieve performs, often times we miss
to employ such an act of providing respectful space in all our relationships.
Don’t you agree? Be it a relationship we share with someone at work in a
professional decorum, or a relationship we momentarily share with a
co-passenger in a pubic commute or a relationship one shares with their
electronic gadgets or a relationship we would have cherished for generations
with our loved ones.
Every entity in a
relationship needs time and space to reflect on their own identity, even though
the entity may not see the need for such room to be present, but it’s the
innocent you within you, one who cares to believe that every single thread of
relation is second to none, must have an appreciation to such separation, such
respectful space. Again certainly something to keenly ponder upon! And while
you ponder remember, no matter how tiny the pores of sieve are it can never
filter air, you know why? Since it’s not meant to filter air. Similarly, though
having that space is the most crucial aspect in every relationship, there
should never be a space that is not meant to be!
If only one has
innocent perspectives apples can be related to space ships and it would all
still make sense. Similarly am relating relationships to the entire process of
making Tea, and while the end result is a cup of hot Tea that gets eventually
served and this proves culmination of the process, but it also germinates the
next in line thought, it gives us now an opportunity to define how successful
was the entire process which obviously is reliant on the quality and taste of
the Tea.
Hence let me make
one more attempt and now try and define which relationships get qualified to be
tagged as successful. Personally I don’t know as yet, on occurrence of what we
can qualify there’s culmination within any relationship for us to then
sequentially also define its success. Is it forceful separation, creations of
physical distance, fat ego’s, serene love, sweet bonding, dreadful death, acute
oneness through physical intimacy, understood silence, creeping of anger,
severe hatred, employing all means of communications, not communicating at all,
as I said I don’t know as yet. But what is quite interesting to note is, none
of these occurrences realistically bring an end to any relationship. Isn’t it?
Not communicating in absolute terms does not take away a soul off your
thoughts, providing perfect physical content would mean every porn star is
blessed with best relations, if only by moving jobs had people also moved the
ill feelings they carry for their prior work relationships. JJ keep pondering.
Anyway, what am
trying to get at is unlike making a cup of Tea relationships are not
stereotyped or a procedural affair. Therefore such a pressing urge we always
posses to define the health of every relationship according to me is uncalled
for. As I mentioned life isn’t to be always pragmatic, it also isn’t about being
the perfectionist the entire world strives to be, similarly the best of
relationships are not that give you magical content, entice belonging, feeling
of ecstasy or a view to some third world and also provide citizenship to it.
It’s those relationships that we don’t envy the most in our life are the
relationships we must strive to be with. A relationship is healthy when it gets
you closer to yourself and brings simple joys of life your-way. A relationship
is successful when unsaid is more soothing then said. A connection at work is
something to cherish when views and opinions from either don’t matter. A bond
is only developed not when all the possible energies are employed for it to
happen, but when none is employed and it just happens. Craving to speak with
someone is only meaningful when it’s a mutual feeling one possess for you too
when you are spoken with by the very someone. A relationship is worth
nourishing when there is no real worth per say, since it’s not a block deal
that proclaimed bankers get into every single day. Though some roles are
crucial over others, it’s only the amalgamation of all pieces solves the
puzzles, and gives debris a cause. But for the losers, why would anyone strive
to be a winner hmm. Two wrongs never make one right, but it takes two halves to
make a whole! And such are relationships, it’s time we start to care, it’s time
we be sensitive towards every relationship, it’s time we genuinely learn to
make relationships prior learning everything we pretend to learn!
Cheers,
Kunal!
P.S. It’s not having varied sense organs that
makes us humans, it’s the sensitivity to rightfully employ them towards
betterment of others DOES!
