And they cannot resist. And is that OK.

It read ‘2016 that night. The lips trembled when they came in contact with another-set of them, they kissed unashamedly, but naturally. Their bodies merged like the shadow of two different objects that gets displayed as one. They never consummated but felt more complete than ever before. Such was their companionship that needed no acceptance; such was their relationship that lost identity in-time only to become anonymously famous. Such was their indulged passion that onlookers could see through them and not them, such was their love for each-other that they never even told another i-love-you.

A kind of love that poets don’t write about, a kind of love that artists don’t enact and a kind of love that could be only experienced by them-species, a kind that only could be given and a kind that only can be incomplete!

She seeks him since she was incomplete and he chose to seek her since it gave him a purpose for his being. At the start he resisted and then she did, while they both knew it wasn’t right, she any way did. In-time they realize that time has passed by, in relativity, everything else ‘but’ the time had passed by. It read ‘1998 that evening. To this date they both are where they met for the very first time, leaning on the very table, seated on the very chair, gazing into another’s eyes, hearing the unsaid, innocently smiling without being afraid, a bit nervous, a bit lacking dare and ever since nothing has changed.

If something did change, it was neighborhood, streets signs, dark lanes and even the laws of the land. But! If-only this could change their compassion for another’s wellbeing, if-only this could change their dreams of being one-again, if-only this could change their desires to consummate and if-only this could change their relationship statuses then this could be qualified as a change. Hence, while all else did change, what did not, is assured to remain same. Such was their love for another that they continue to not say i-love-you yet feel the separations pain.

Such a pain, makes them realize that no matter how sophisticated the artificial intelligence gets invented, a man’s embrace and a women’s warmth is not felt but for being touched-by. What a clasp of hug can do, there is no substitute for that expression but for that absolute expression. Years go by, they don’t talk. More years go by, they don’t express. Even more years go by, now they don’t remember what they are expected to remember by elements of society they belong. They have grown old, very old, as old as beauty can get, as old as innocence can get, and they continue to not say i-love-you but they have not loved anyone else but each-other for their entire life.

Either of them are astonishing disguises in their daily course of being; they are as best as anyone could even imagine to-be. They are someone who gets looked upon by mortals; they are someone who gets referenced by immortals. Oh boy! How incomplete they are, so incomplete they are. Incomplete since they are not at arms-length, since they do not get to share a tooth-brush, since they are unable to see each-others progressing old age. Such incompleteness is flawlessly disguised to an extent that only their mirrors don’t get fooled, everyone else does. And for the world of onlookers who continue to see through them and not them, they are one as horizon and united as a poisonous creeper is to a tree. Through all this and more they continue to not say i-love-you since what they possess for each-other is very surreal and not surficial.

And today they love each other to an extent that they do not need one another, whatsoever. A single tale of several memories they have created over these years is good enough.  A sole line of dialogue from innumerable conversations they have held is good enough. A reference of him by a passerby is good enough. A picture of her displayed in the scent of soil is good enough. Through a far lingering hope, she loves him through someone else and he loves her through himself, and they both are in a kind of love that cannot be resisted and that is OK.

Kunal!

And they say love is a brutal feeling

….if this cannot, then I don’t know what can.

If this isn’t then I don’t know what is.

If these aren’t emotions, then why do tears roll

If you are not the one who else is.

If we have come this far, why aren’t we moving further on

If you don’t feel all of it as much, I still will never complain

If I can’t see god through this, how can I see him at all

And they say love is a brutal feeling,

how I still wish to be only and only in love!

Love -

Be careful what you wish for, if you wish for true love, I caution you!

Since am going to help you see a version of love post which you will have appreciation for every mundane opinion about this emotion and then all you would want is to be caressed by your love. And sad-fully in the end nothing else matters, not even the said emotion per-say. But by then you are in love and then there’s no turning back, whatsoever!

After all these years of being a savvy and more-so pragmatic personalities, there came a time in these individuals life wherein they found love. Or must I say they found a companion to hold conversations. They found each other, they heard the unsaid and above all simply understood the said. While they both lived a life with inmates who could never hear the said, leave aside the unsaid, yet they loved them too.

What is life but for conversations, isn’t it? I’ve always said that, but then I met these two souls how lived this definition of life. Yes the simple definition of life according to me is conversations. Life is nothing but amalgamation of conversations. Imagine a life without conversations, and now imagine your life without love in it. They both had such a life, one without love and moreover they had no one to hold a conversation with. Then on a Monday the star rose and they start having a conversation, just a dialogue with this other self of theirs. At that point one of them knew exactly where was this heading and what was lined up next, remember I did caution you too at the very beginning of this mythical story of mine. And the another also knew the outcome precisely, for everyone in the world but for herself. Since at that point in time she did not ever held a conversations with her own self, how hollow is that?

If you have a question where is love in conversations? Then let me ask in return, is there any form of love that prevails without conversations? If only the sane takes a pause to hear, even insanity talks.

Then came a time, not much longer than you are imagining, when conversations of pleasantry gestures got extended to understanding personalities through their mere being. At time you can tell what a man is made up of by the way he makes a way for another, yes? In just about the same way, talks continued between two life but now through observation of each other’s being and conduct. She would see him talk to a bird and he would see her talk but to no one, and they speak to this day through this mode. Just that now he talks, but to no one and she is silenced, but talks. Don’t underestimate the power of sight when you are in love. They were in deep love, you are in deep love too. He would see her walk the crowded streets lost in thoughts that would get penned by the night, and she would see him smile through his frown which would get never read by anyone but her. Through all this and more conversations continue. And you still read conversations as not being in love, hmm!

If talking through words and sight was not enough, they now started talking through touch. Yes they never did touch each other, until they realized they could talk even through a touch. He had seen crimson moon never so shy as she was that night, and she who was in love, had never experienced a touch like his. They took strides under that moonlight saying no words but did talk for long. Everything was said when he stroked her hair and she hesitantly held his hand. Even the silence was loud when they kissed, but it felt calm within. They would talk even when their lips were locked, they would talk every time a warm hug passed softness from one to another. For hours they would talk, again not in words but through the touch of their foot while seated against one-another. They would talk through the air that played the role of an obstacle, while they keenly looked into each other’s twinkling eyes. How still was a talk when she passed him her drink through her pair of lips and how rippling was a talk when he brashly abandoned her from talking for a few nights. Yet through all this and more, all they did was held conversations. And you still read conversations, as conversations, hmm!

They never lived along, they never were tied in the bondages that society defines, but to this day they are in a conversation that has lasted long enough that it is now termed love by them and also by masses. They care for another’s wellbeing while they crave for another’s touch. Circumstances separated them back then and now the shores do, but neither then or nor now they shy away from telling ‘I love you’. They crafted a relationship from a conversation while they live in a relationship that lacks one. Their want for each other is subject of an artist, their desire to unite is like faith of an atheist, their modest ask for a talk is like cry of anarchist, their urge to you is like plea of a soul that is on its way out but there is still a bit of life stuck in it and their love after all is what religion is for a priest. Such are they both, who did nothing but held conversations and continue to do.

So the question is, are conversations so integral to a relationship or does relationship supersedes even while there is lack of conversation in it? While I know the answer for myself, I’ll let you find yours.

…if this isn’t where I want to go, why do I continue to walk

If this is the pain I can endure, then why seek pleasure at all

If you are not yourself, then is it worth to be in love

If this is what love is, why say even more

If these aren’t viewed as phases of life, continue dreaming on

If you could hear, there was no need for anything to be told

And they say love is a brutal feeling,

how I still wish to be only and only in love!

Kunal ! 

Being High!

If you are high on drugs, are you really high?

You could be high even when you simply cry

or on gulps of flavors that were originally not meant to try

One can get high from fragrance of dead roses that are withered and dry

hours of efforts cannot, may be a glance can

years of association cannot, may be a touch can

You could be conditional and perceive being high

or you can be unconditional and experience The high

Close your eyes, there is then a darkness,

then there is darkness when your eyes are wide awake,

you can be high in either only if you don’t use any as alibi

If you are high on drugs, are you really high?

You can be with your partners in crime and try to be high

you can be high in isolation and challenge masses by your smile

You can be the face and the mighty, it brings you a high

but for world when you cease to exist, will you experience similar high!

Be the adolescent pupil and yet the reason for legendry masters high

its then the innocence and not the arrogance causing high

You can be the reason for someone’s high

if only you can naturally be high for someone

You can be artlessly high when you get a touch and rub on your thigh

or you can be high in this very persons absence while the years are going by

If you are high on drugs, are you really high?

Your presence can be that which creates high

if only your absence was never a reason for someone’s high

You can ruffle societies and continue to enjoy its perils and highs

or you can simply calm your soul and surrender to its highs

It’s not the candid unfaithful that hurts, the pretentious faithful who does

learn to get high on the truth that is beneath every lie

There’s drama which is not for real and then there are artists who are

getting high on the drama is a drama, in times get high on the artist for real

If you are not high on yourself, might as well you should one day try

If you are high on drugs, are you really high?

Cheers,

Kunal!

P.S. Sometimes time is not the healer but timing of the situation is

Relationships - Bitter / Sweet

Like always when I start to phrase my thoughts with an attempt to translate them into meaningful words I get clarity only post hours of internalizing about the variety in their depth and simplicity they contain. Such is also my definition of relationships; you get clarity about your relations only if you have internalized and reflected on every single one of them as if each thread of relation is second to none. Thanks to the perceived busy lifestyles and hence lack of time, said cosmopolitan and nuclear livelihood and above all slim use of advancement in technology to foster relationships, eventually leading to a bitter state of being which certainly could have been sweeter, not that one must be preferred over another since they will continue to co-exists either way, and eventually your relationships just are the way they are, either bitter or sweet they just ARE! This is certainly something for each one of us to ponder upon.

As a self proclaimed investment banker that I am, cost and worthiness have always been the factors that drive most of my rational behaviors. Thankfully, when I come to think of it today, after having nurtured many beautiful and intense relationships, and also sad-fully post having redefined a few, I know such an approach is limited to rationality and not with being. Today I understand post having tasted bitterness as an outcome of overt sweetness within any given relationship that life is not always dealt with pragmatic viewpoints, no matter one tries every bit of effort to twist the course, the fact being it’s an amalgamation of both hilltop and deep valleys that make scenery. Employing efforts in understanding and displaying due appreciation towards togetherness in conjunction with separation, ensures for a bond to get created, and eventually belongingness thrives, the sooner a realist understands this, yes I mean a realist! The better relationships he is assured to enjoy. But isn’t life always been about chasing the unknown and in the course never reflecting on the known and isn’t life about behaving indifferently with the known as opposed to with the unknowns? I don’t know, but I know that many of us lead such a life, either by mere existence or painfully sometimes by virtue of choice! If only familiarity in addition to contempt also did breed compassion and bonding, relationships would have been simpler and long lasting!

It’s the multitude of many little things put together that make anything and everything complete for it to eventually earn it’s value. Of-course not to discount the role every tiny mussel plays for a human body to function as designed, however the most important organs are categorically defined both by medical science and the very nature of life. One might chose to accept it or act otherwise but the truth is head of cockpit gets paid more than the ground staff of every airline, there are some roles that play more crucial part then others. Yet the greater good is, which does not necessarily mean its greater truth, it’s the togetherness of varied crucial roles that brings the final value or help a human body to function as desired.

Let me make a cautious attempt to explain which aspect and / or action in relationships does play such a crucial role in a figurative way.  I’ve never been successful in making Tea per say but am going to use the process as an anecdote to my cause. Again absolutely not to undermine the importance of every single ingredient and every action that duly contributes in making of Tea, but the most crucial one is the act of separation, the act that respectfully creates a space, a space between the most vital ingredient and the end result, a step that employs a sieve. It’s the act of filtering the Tea off from all the particles that sincerely contributed in its very making, imagine how interesting is that, isn’t it. It’s this crucial process of separation which in-turn helps every ingredient that primarily came-along to achieve its defined purpose. While so simple an act a sieve performs, often times we miss to employ such an act of providing respectful space in all our relationships. Don’t you agree? Be it a relationship we share with someone at work in a professional decorum, or a relationship we momentarily share with a co-passenger in a pubic commute or a relationship one shares with their electronic gadgets or a relationship we would have cherished for generations with our loved ones.

Every entity in a relationship needs time and space to reflect on their own identity, even though the entity may not see the need for such room to be present, but it’s the innocent you within you, one who cares to believe that every single thread of relation is second to none, must have an appreciation to such separation, such respectful space. Again certainly something to keenly ponder upon! And while you ponder remember, no matter how tiny the pores of sieve are it can never filter air, you know why? Since it’s not meant to filter air. Similarly, though having that space is the most crucial aspect in every relationship, there should never be a space that is not meant to be!

If only one has innocent perspectives apples can be related to space ships and it would all still make sense. Similarly am relating relationships to the entire process of making Tea, and while the end result is a cup of hot Tea that gets eventually served and this proves culmination of the process, but it also germinates the next in line thought, it gives us now an opportunity to define how successful was the entire process which obviously is reliant on the quality and taste of the Tea.

Hence let me make one more attempt and now try and define which relationships get qualified to be tagged as successful. Personally I don’t know as yet, on occurrence of what we can qualify there’s culmination within any relationship for us to then sequentially also define its success. Is it forceful separation, creations of physical distance, fat ego’s, serene love, sweet bonding, dreadful death, acute oneness through physical intimacy, understood silence, creeping of anger, severe hatred, employing all means of communications, not communicating at all, as I said I don’t know as yet. But what is quite interesting to note is, none of these occurrences realistically bring an end to any relationship. Isn’t it? Not communicating in absolute terms does not take away a soul off your thoughts, providing perfect physical content would mean every porn star is blessed with best relations, if only by moving jobs had people also moved the ill feelings they carry for their prior work relationships. JJ keep pondering.

Anyway, what am trying to get at is unlike making a cup of Tea relationships are not stereotyped or a procedural affair. Therefore such a pressing urge we always posses to define the health of every relationship according to me is uncalled for. As I mentioned life isn’t to be always pragmatic, it also isn’t about being the perfectionist the entire world strives to be, similarly the best of relationships are not that give you magical content, entice belonging, feeling of ecstasy or a view to some third world and also provide citizenship to it. It’s those relationships that we don’t envy the most in our life are the relationships we must strive to be with. A relationship is healthy when it gets you closer to yourself and brings simple joys of life your-way. A relationship is successful when unsaid is more soothing then said. A connection at work is something to cherish when views and opinions from either don’t matter. A bond is only developed not when all the possible energies are employed for it to happen, but when none is employed and it just happens. Craving to speak with someone is only meaningful when it’s a mutual feeling one possess for you too when you are spoken with by the very someone. A relationship is worth nourishing when there is no real worth per say, since it’s not a block deal that proclaimed bankers get into every single day. Though some roles are crucial over others, it’s only the amalgamation of all pieces solves the puzzles, and gives debris a cause. But for the losers, why would anyone strive to be a winner hmm. Two wrongs never make one right, but it takes two halves to make a whole! And such are relationships, it’s time we start to care, it’s time we be sensitive towards every relationship, it’s time we genuinely learn to make relationships prior learning everything we pretend to learn!

Cheers,

Kunal!

P.S.  It’s not having varied sense organs that makes us humans, it’s the sensitivity to rightfully employ them towards betterment of others DOES!

A life, from a life…

A tale I was fortunate to hear…by the end of it, I could only feel a few tears rolling down everything else was calm and mellow. I could see outline of her body which was once healthy but now withered yet she continues holding on her composure, physically in pain yet she continues to bleakly smile, visibly tried yet she continues to feed ounces through her to the tiny life. A life she gave from her own life.  All of this was visible to a man’s eye who would never experience any of it in absolute sense, but can be prideful in taking acclaim of the entire occurrence. After all doesn’t everything have a significance in the consequential scheme of affairs? Just a tiny little lump of seed but isn’t it where it all started? Even to this moment I believe am fortunate to feel every bit of it, both as a man and more as women, but I could only just feel. And then I silently wonder why only men get to be kings and a few more tears find their way to peace.

I hold the little infant; which still neither has a name nor has an identity but certainly has a LIFE… IT continues to observe. OBSERVATION is the only calm language he knows, observation is the only trait everyone around her does not know!

Though the infant does not have a name yet, it certainly has an imposed resemblance to someone she has no awareness about, I wonder if he will ever have. Every minuscule part of his body which only made it appear cute also had a resemblance, to him or to her or to IT. Every passing soul once an infant themselves, though it appeared such a time in their life was as old as a past life, had a judgment to pass on making more resemblances. Every delightful movement of the little one, though should have only brought sheer natural smiles, we even tagged and associated these moves to some more remote resemblances. And that’s how he / she starts getting his imposed identity from the very spur of its existence, from the very moment he got his life from another life. O yes! The world is all about relativity, isn’t it?

Am still in a deep bewilderment which women I knew was more beautiful, am further in doubt as regards why would I even want to know it, weird! But at times that’s what mind seeks, weirdness. Nonetheless, was the women pale yet glowing that gave life more beautiful or the one I knew for years and prior a new life came into existence more beautiful. Are they different women? The world that I coexist with views them as different and I know that for-sure. I presume it’s vaguely safe hereafter for her, since the world views her beauty differently, vague but safe. If only it was true that beauty lies in the eyes of beholder, if only everyone understood this phrase as much as they state. I would rather state from my keen observations of mankind, that in an era of today, the pace at which surroundings are vanishing every passing day is an era elapsed, beauty lies in shapes and sizes, curves and completeness, postures and appearances. Moreover in genders and pre conceived biases that we educate our minds with, we could have made it a beautiful mind too, if only! And it was through these perspectives and knowledge everyone was viewing same women’s beauty yet differently. She was happy-sad. I was awfully sad yet smiling. 

Beauty of a women is serendipity for some while it IS for rest. Her fading beauty is something crowds are yearning for, while her softness aging with her is the nectar which barely one is aware of, but for herself. While everyone loves her, none let her love.  If only one understood her beauty vulnerability would never get to harshness and indulgence would never get rushed with culmination. Her serenity should make one yearn for her hug and mere touch, such is her beauty that makes colors appear more colorful, and her supple feel is like the moist texture on the petals of a blossomed flower at the dawn. Her simplicity depicts in her stillness, her equanimity is herd in her silence. Such is the description of beauty that every women is blessed with, it’s for every pair of eyes to look at such beauty when they are shut, it’s for every beating heart to connect to such beauty and to the rhythmic vibration of hers. It’s only such mellow yet agile beauty that makes her able of bringing life into being through her own life. It was a tale by the end of which everything was divinely mellow.

Realize…

Its never late I feel,
Then what’s the harm not a big deal,
Just go grab the situation,
Be proud to say happy realization.

Time for change, no, not so strange,
Accept it; else you will be out of range,
Drop the ego for no exchange,
All you will get is happiness serenity and sane.

Gone are the days by the sun
But it will rise again for fun
Hold, stand-by please don’t run
Be proud to say happy realization.

No shame no fear is nice to hear
Though tough to practice still pretty clear
Preach this only, for one who is near
Else all may mistake you as dear

Accept while you know
Reject only at the last go
Either needs strong sense and vision
Be proud to say happy realization.

~ Kunal !

!!!!That’s Life!!!!

When there is no friend,
When life is on the dead end,
When world is not a paradise,
When your confidence almost dies,
Tell yourself - Go on, that’s LIFE (so nice)!

When things don't go right,
When there’s no ray of light,
When all are ready to fight,
When love also gives you a bite,
Tell yourself - Go on, that’s LIFE (so Bright)!

When there is competition to face,
When you are lagging in the race,
When you've lost faith in God,
When you're destroyed by a fraud,
Tell yourself - Go on, that’s LIFE (so Broad)!

When you hardly have a solution,
All you're sure-of is confusion,
When others don't respect you,
When you're not amongst the admirable few,
Tell yourself - Go on, that’s LIFE (so Blue)!

When all you see is pain,
When all the work is about to vain,
When your destination is miles apart,
When you don't know where to start,
Tell yourself - Go on, that’s LIFE (so Smart)!

Even though all this appears like a slain,
Losing your self will only cause bane,
Such a time is about to drain,
All I say is hold-on valleys will be green again,
True vibes are never forgone it is soon going to rain…

"That’s LIFE” so-nice, so-bright, so-broad, so-Blue, so-Smart…simply said again

~ Kunal !